"Dignity" is a seven-letter word for "Take a hint that I am not interested, plus you live 600 miles away, leave me alone."

Sometimes you start to get to know someone (maybe have a few chats with them on gchat, for example) and you decide that person isn't for you in terms of dating. In fact, this happens a lot. No big deal, free country. Most people understand this, get the hint, and everyone moves on. However, some people have no dignity.

Here is an example that is completely fictional and in no way whatsoever comes from personal experience:

Girl meets guy (we will call him Satan) once at a bar and they exchange numbers. Satan looks her up on Facebook. From her Facebook page, he gets her gmail account and gchats her. They have a normal friendly conversation. After this one conversation, Satan begins to send her text message pictures of himself all the time, to which she tells him to keep his glamour shots to himself and begins to think he is a big weirdo.

Let's also mention that Satan does not live in the same city, or even remotely close, but was only visiting when they met, so she thinks that Satan will be easy to drop once he goes back home shortly, so there's really no need to tell him she isn't interested and hurt his feelings. WRONG.

So Satan goes home, and sends her an e-mail about applying for jobs in the town she lives in, to which she says HELL NO and tells him she is dating someone else. Then her birthday comes, and Satan sends her a love fern, that she wanted to throw over the balcony on the patio except her roommate stopped her. At this point she decides enough is enough, and she blocks Satan from all forms of communication.

TWO MONTHS LATER...

Girl signs onto Facebook chat for the first time in 2 months and instantly receives two messages from Satan saying "hey stranger... how have you been?"

HAVE SOME DIGNITY.

TXT MESSAGES 2.0

When we said to be more creative at txting, we DID NOT mean for you to become indecipherable. "whats up nikuface"??? WTF is that supposed to mean? And, that's not better. It still just says "What's up?".

BAD GIFTS TO GIVE TO WOMEN

A BASEBALL CAP -- Nothing says "I was at the sporting good store for myself and decided to get my shopping for you out of the way without putting any thought into it" like a baseball cap!!!! Just TRY to ask us for it back when you start losing your hair. I dare you.

AN ICE SCAPER FOR HER WINDSHIELD -- This gift will turn her heart so cold you might need to keep it for yourself.

A GIFT CERTIFICATE TO RUTH CHRIS. . . FOR YOUR VEGETARIAN GIRLFRIEND. Honestly: do you even know her at all? Give her a gift that shows you know NOTHING about her and you're history, amigo. Don't even count on getting that gift certificate back. She will have already recycled it and personally apologized to the cows on your behalf.

A DVD THAT IS MORE FOR MEN THAN WOMEN -- Do you really think that you're "Legally Blonde" obsessed girlfriend wants to watch Hellboy 2?!

A BOX OF CONDOMS AND LUBE -- You might think this is sexy and giving. We think it is counting your eggs before they hatch. WAY before they hatch.

HERPES -- Please: keep this to yourself.

"It's a slut. . . isn't it?"

David teaches me a valuable lesson:

Me: "What is the opposite of a womanizer? Like, a woman who goes out with a lot of men? It's not a philanderer is it?"
David: "No, that still applies to men, and I think that has to do with people who are married."
Me: "Hmm, so what is it? Manizer just sounds weird."
David: ". . ."
pausepausepause
Me: "It's a slut. . .isn't it?"

MYTHBUSTERS

The lipstick lesbian doesn't exist. STFU about it already.

FIRST DATES THAT HAVE NO CHANCE FOR A SECOND

Some first dates don't always go as planned. Things can go wrong that are beyond your control. We get that. But, there are some first dates that are disasters waiting to happen. And there is no excuse for that. If you want any chance of a second, avoid the following on the first date:

THE WORLD'S LONGEST DATE

Taking a girl to a movie on one of your first dates is risky. Taking her to see the Dark Knight is ridiculous. A first date is for getting to know each other. A woman is trying to find out if you have horrible breath or like to talk about your mother. This cannot be accomplished in a dark, quiet theater. A woman shouldn't have the use the time she spends staring a movie screen to calculate her exit plan, should her date (you) -- the man siting next to her, the one with whom she hasn't shared two words -- turn out to be a psycho. If you smell bad or eat like an animal, your movie date will know. Avoid movies and you'll be able to save that kind of information date number two.

THE ERRAND DATE

NEWSFLASH: A DATE IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO ACCOMPLISH YOUR DAILY TASKS.

Asking a girl on a date in an attempt to use her to help you buy IKEA furniture is about as tacky as the poorly made crap itself. No girl wants to spend over an hour comparing prices of swedish beds or dinner plates. If you take a girl on an errand date, the only time you'll ever hear from her again s when she starts talking about what a cheap asshole you are. When your primary motivation for leaving your house is finding the best sale, expect to fly solo for a long time.

Enixine: "This is someone who is manically obsessed with efficiency, which is probably a good example of what first dates shouldn't be."

THE DENNYS DATE

Don't take your date to Dennys. Especially if she doesn't eat meat. If she’s open-minded, she might stay long enough to drink four hot chocolates. If she’s smart, she’ll be out the door faster than you can say "gut-buster." Enjoy that food coma while it lasts, buddy.

BAD PICKUP LINE + BAD DANCER = BAD DATE.

Does this even need an explanation?

6 COMMON SENSE THINGS MEN SHOULD KNOW BUT APPARENTLY DON'T

6.  WE KNOW YOU'RE GAY.  STOP TRYING TO HIDE IT.  

Seriously.  Satin Shirt?  "Fabulous?"  UGG boots for MEN??  Who do you think you're kidding?  Embrace who you are.  We will too.

5.  WEAR YOUR WEDDING RINGS TO BARS.  

Don't text the next day to say "Sorry, I'm married."  Not cool, dude.

4.  IF SHE'S MAKING OUT WITH YOU, DON'T ASSUME IT'S OKAY TO BUST OUT THE LUBE.

This has happened to more than one of us.  On more than one occassion.  Sick.

3. DON'T SAY THIS: "I WISH I WERE THERE TO KISS YOU"

when you are not even remotely close to dating, have only met once (in a group!), have never ever kissed, and have no plans to see each other again.

2.  DON'T TELL A GIRL YOU THINK OF HER LIKE A GUY.

Just trust us on this one.

1.  THIS BLOG IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

((Unless it is)).